I guess I've always taken faith for granted, that she would always be there for me accompanying me in all that I do. But recently, I'm getting increasingly aware that faith is departing from my side.
"What faith?" you ask. Faith in general, faith in one's ability etc.
While I'm saying this, I've no inkling on how to retain faith. I think a faithless person is sad because working without a sort of goal is unimaginable to me. Being faithless leads, in my case, to streaks of paranoia that everything I have done is utterly useless to my cause. I suffer, emotionally most of the time, the people around me suffer. It all seems hopeless.
But I guess faith is about believing, regardless of your religion or personal belief. (For those of you who automatically switch to "Is she preaching Christianity" mode: No I'm not christian and please get it into your little minds that faith does not equate to Christianity.) It's pretty ironic really. Because once you stop believing, faith dessipates and the only way you get it back is by believing again, which, if you recall, was the very reason you ended up without faith in the first place.
So in a bid to encourage myself or coerce myself to believe in me again, I've been playing this number on my iTunes all day
(Lame method I know, but hey anything works.)
If I had time, I would watch Legally Blonde, but no luxury of time still.
Many nights we've prayed With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song We barely understood
Now we are not afraid Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains Long before we knew we could
When You Believe
By Mariach Carey & Whitney Houston
There can be miracles When you believe
Though hope is frail It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles You can achieve
When you believe Somehow you will, Now you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seemed like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here My heart's so full, I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I'd say
So in times when all your hope is gone
And you go through life afraid
In your heart there lies a hopeful song
That is there to guide the way A
nd all the hurt and all the pain
You soon will learn was not in vain
For all your prayers, they will be heard
They'll come to pass through faith
