Well, perhaps it's not that bad, but I think today is one of those days when my world is a sad grey. I feel like Hedda today. Trapped. Helpless. Powerless to change my damn(pardon me if I offend any sensibilities) life. Perhaps I'm just drowning in self-pity here, but hey sometimes when I look at myself, I feel totally useless. Now is not a good time to try to change whatever's there, simply because time has passed. In fact, too much time has passed. I'm twenty and about two decades closer to death, and still there's nothing there on the record sheet to show to anyone above. Sighs.
Not to mention I'm still under the control of others. That really does not help the situation here because my choices are limited. There is no real freedom to do anything you want. It is always subjected to whatever others want. Don't tell me it's still my choice, because there is no real choice. No informed and considered decision can be made without giving thought to the surrounding situation and as it is, my situation is such that I am not in the position to decide anything freely for myself without incurring the wrath of those who have me in check.
Oh I hate being myself sometimes.
