Hee. For those of you who know that I'm supposed to be at the office at this time, well yes, I'm committing one of the cardinal sins of working - surfing the net at work ;p
But I supposed I'm allowed to blog once I'm done with all the stuff I have to do so well, I was doing my daily online reading of the straits times(yes it's a morning ritual...) and I found this article in the forum section to my horror....
Okie I suppose I should go on to explain why the horror? Well, firstly I sort of have a personal stake in this I guess. No, I'm not divorced or anything(Of course not lah, I'm happily married to law haha). It's just that I may very well end up focusing on family law in the end so it's vital that divorces continue to happen to meet the ever-rising numbers of family lawyers.(It's a demand-and-supply thing.)
Now, I know that at this point, some of you will be thinking, "wow, this girl's a little demented/neurotic/selfish/blackhearted etc etc". But hey, which doctor doesn't hope that people will never stop falling sick? And what about the caskets? Aren't they sitting around all day, waiting for the family of some deceased to call? That's like hoping indirectly for someone to die so they can get some income..
Well, not that I'm writing this post purely for the sake of defending my interests or anything. Vested interests aside and with all due respect to the write of the article, I didn't quite think the methods suggested are going to work out that much. Well, I'll comment in italics below I guess.
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"7 ways to check rising divorce
MARRIAGES in Singapore are under threat. The Straits Times of June 26 ('Rising divorce rate here still one of lowest') reported that a record 6,561 marriages ended in divorce last year - a 13 per cent rise from 2002. One out of three marriages ends in divorce. We must declare war on divorce before it reaches epic proportions when half of all marriages end in divorce.
Hmmm ok. Don't quite like the way he put it - the 'declare war' part, but it's true. It'll still be good to keep divorce rates low or the whole institution of marriage will die away.
The Government must take the lead to ensure a more coordinated inter-ministerial and inter-agency effort to address this problem.
The family is the fundamental unit of society. When families break down, society will follow suit.
About 54 per cent of male and 37 per cent of female juvenile offenders have divorced parents. Studies show that children from such families are likely to fare worse in studies, have a higher truancy rate, greater tendency to drop out, and greater risk of teenage pregnancy and becoming single parents.
Also, although many workers try to keep their personal and professional lives separate, a troubled marriage will affect a person's work.
He's justifying why he has to write the article.. so far so good...
Here are seven ways to help prevent divorce:
Make counselling and mediation compulsory
There should be pre- and post-marriage counselling for young couples. One of the most critical phases in a marriage is the first two years. By making it compulsory, we remove the stigma associated with counselling and mediation.
(Nope, making counselling and mediation compulsory is so going to reduce the already falling numbers of people getting married. increasing the number of procedures that a couple has to go through is going to increase the impression that marriage is just a chore that need not have to be completed by a couple in modern day society. Cohabitation may then seem like a better way out since there's a lot less hassle. Besides, who is to say that counselling always helps? When a couple go for counselling, the most the counsellor can do is provide stipulated advice which is half-the-time commonsensical. Not that counselling is pointless completely, but listening to what you should do and actually doing what should be done are two different matters.)
Train a pool of mediators of marital conflicts
Marital conflicts are inevitable. In fact, according to some studies, 68 per cent of conflicts are unresolvable. Couples must learn to manage conflicts.
A pool of trained mediators can help them navigate difficult issues of money, maid and parenting, among others.
(What sort of conflicts? Only the really major ones? But if they are major conflicts, both parties will tend to be acrimonious about things and a mediation is unlikely to solve problems.)
Have couples undergo annual marital check-ups
The sooner a couple recognises the symptoms of a troubled marriage, the better.
(Oh yes, that's very true. But like who doesn't know that alr..)
There are many marital assessment tools available. In fact, studies show that couples don't seek help until their marriages have turned bad for six years. By then, it may be too late.
(But the thought of having to go down to a counsellor or something every year to be assessed on how your marriage is working out is just so strange. The thing is , marriages are not like hmmm say one's body or something. It's not a technical thing so the maintenance cannot be done in a technical way like body checkups. And since marriage is pretty much between the couple, sometimes having constant intervention by third parties may not be healthy for the marriage. Moreover, it would be ironic if these checkups, which are supposed to increase harmony and confidence in the marriage become the source of insecurity in the marriage instead. Like how great can your relationship be when it has to rely on constant checkups and reminders? And then there's the "too much work" factor mentioned in my first point.
Provide marital and parenting courses
I am glad that the Ministry of Community Development and Sports and many social agencies have been promoting courses on marriage and parenting.
(Well technically this one actually helps. Not having quarrel about how to change diapers and who pays the phone bills always helps to keep the marriage going, I'm sure.)
Encourage family-work life balance
Corporations should be encouraged to continue their efforts to promote family-work life balance. Incentives and recognition should be given to companies with such practices.
(Oh yes, the government had better done something abt poor overworked wives who have to go home to a lazy spouse and noisy kids. It definitely drives them nuts. But unless the government provides attractive subsidies to companies employing female employees, this move may further prejudice the chances of women gaining employment and obtaining promotions. The extension of maternity leave has already done some damage in that aspect I believe.)
Re-prioritise our values
Society values economic and material benefits. I wonder what we would change if we put the family first and give priority to personal and family health when we make decisions.
You're telling the entire 'kiasu'population here to stop believing in the Singapore Dream?? Well, I guess it might actually work out eventually half a century later if you start reforming education and government policies to promote family over economic competivity now. But that's if our little island has not starved to death or started resorting to cannibalism by then. Heh.
Rekindle marital 'positivity'
Many marriages have lost their 'positivity'. Marriage expert John Gottman asserts that healthy marriages have a 5:1 ratio of positivity to negativity. Couples should enjoy each other's company, have fun, be kind, share and laugh together. Positive moments will overcome negative ones.
(Ah yes, finally a good suggestion. I definitely think this one will help things better than counselling.)
I urge the Government and all social agencies to make every effort to check the rise in divorce.
JOHN NG SWEE KHENG (DR)
Honorary President
Eagles Mediation and Counselling Centre "
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Well, basically, that was just my two cents' worth of comments on the subject. No offence to Mr John Ng, whom I'm sure is great in his profession, is intended and I disclaim any liability for any damages done to anyone who reads this in the hope of saving their marriage. (Oh dear, maybe I should have put the disclaimer on top haha..)
Bleah. Counting down to lunch :)
